Eric's blog - Fear the beard. A fully-formed theory of how to win in baseball.

The best beard in baseball history belongs to Brian Wilson, former closer for the San Francisco Giants. He began growing this beard in 2010, during the Giants’ pennant race. Sporting this dyed-black monstrosity, he went on to save the clinching game in the regular season. And the NLDS. And the NLCS. And the World Series, as the Giants won for the first time in 56 years. Sidebar – Brian Wilson is also (even pre-beard) one of the great characters in baseball history, and I miss him.

2010 marked a turning point in baseball, and Brian Wilson was the catalyst for this dramatic shift in strategy. Coming on the heels of the 2009 victory by the Yankees (more on that later), the momentum of the Giants 2010 victory would carry them to another victory in 2012. Taking a page from the San Francisco playbook, the Red Sox then took this new strategy one step further in their quest for a World Series title in 2013.

(Image: Boston Herald)

Every single player on the Red Sox grew a beard. A massive beard. A magnificent beard. And wouldn’t you know it, they won the World Series convincingly, rubbing their glorious beards in the smooth-shaven faces of their arch-rivals, the Yankees. The Yankees, who have had an institutional policy of NO BEARDS for years. Thanks to George Steinbrenner and one of his many totalitarian eccentricities, the Yankees were not allowed to have any facial hair of any kind. Shave those sideburns, Mattingly!

And where are those Yankees of late? Since their World Series title, they have been cursed by the rise of the beard. Their years and years of oppressive anti-beard sentiment have led them to ignominious playoff exits in 2010, 2011, and 2012. In 2013 and 2014, the slide continued as they didn’t even make the playoffs. And this year the ultimate anti-beard establishment team bowed out quietly, with a whimper, in their one-game playoff against the Astros, succumbing to a great pitching performance by Dallas Keuchel. THIS Dallas Keuchel:

Meanwhile, in the National League wild card game, a masterful Jake Arrieta knocked the Pittsburgh Pirates, the team with the second-best record in all of baseball, out of the playoffs. Here is a photo of Arrieta, from mlb.com:

(mlb.com)

Since then, the Blue Jays have lost Game One to Yovani Gallardo.

(mlb.com)

See a pattern? In the playoffs this year, it is not just a trend, it is a fact. The pitcher with the better beard has won every single one of the four games that have been played. Four for four. With that in mind, here are the pitchers who will win today:

Cole Hamels (chatsports.com)

Sorry Blue Jays fans. Hamels doesn’t even have a DECENT beard. But it’s a better beard than Marcus Stroman’s NO beard.

Johnny Cueto (mercurynews.com)

Clayton Kershaw (abcnews.com)

Jon Lester (foxsports.com)

Again, not a magnificent beard. But better than John Lackey’s LACK of a beard.

Should all these predictions turn out to be true, the Royals will have evened their series with the Astros at 1-1. The Jays will be down 0-2. And the Cubs and Dodgers will have 1-0 leads over their respective rivals. And this will no longer be a theory at all, it will be empirically proven fact. And it will fall to the Blue Jays management to explain why, when this is clearly the only way to win in baseball, they left Mark Buehrle off their postseason roster. Clearly, he is their only hope!

(inningseaters.sportsblog.com)