AND THE WINNER IS:

Sick Nick. Alex’s other half often eats or cooks up food that others would throw away. He does not abide by the ‘when in doubt, throw it out rule.” Usually it’s someone else who gets sick, but last weekend he found some questionable chicken in the fridge and decided ‘it’s fine.’ He ended up with violent food poisoning, retching and writhing on the bathroom floor. He has no plans to change his ways.

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Our runner-ups:

A Florida man fled a traffic stop and then decided to call 911 to brag to authorities about it. He said quote, “I want to know…I, like, ran from a cop 30 minutes to an hour ago. I was the guy…that…over there off of Kings Estates. Like what do we pay you guys for…like I’ve driven past four cops.” Authorities say they were only able to find him because he called 911. The 19-year-old Nicholas Jones faces charges of reckless driving, fleeing and eluding, misusing 911 and violation of probation.

Police are looking for two Florida men who tried to bust open an ATM with a blowtorch, but instead welded the machine shut. The men ended up melting the hinges of the machine so they were out of luck and made off with $0.

You don’t see many VHS shops anymore, so in this case, police were suspicious. A VHS shop in Georgia was recently raided by police and found to be an illegal gambling operation, running an illegal sportsbook. It wasn’t a great cover-up — the most recent movie on the store shelves was from 2007. \